Published July 22, 2006
The war is done,
The right has one.
Defeated and banished,
Is the evil one.
Cheers and celebrations galore,
And all are jolly like never before.
But alone in the peaceful world I find,
That many a thought is troubling my mind.
For all the peace has shed light,
On a sobering fact disturbing me alone.
Thought the world may be cured of violent blight,
I am left a rebel with nothing to fight.
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140,593 Literary Works • 673,545 Reviews
Rated G.
good idea. try to work in more concrete imagery - picture details in your mind, then think how you can use them to communicate your atmosphere or move your plot along in the fewest words possible. details are important, they make something feel more real, and if you don't have a sturdy image in your head, how are your readers supposed to create one in theirs? try sitting and thinking about it for five minutes, not what words you would use to describe it, but just what 'it' is.
Keeping the rhythm is just like a train. the train jolts in good rhythm if you listen carefully. Try and find it and success is yours.
Tassen Spellbinder,
I looked for the potential that others have recognized in this, but was unable to find it.
This is run-of-the-mill junk. While there is an idea here that hasn't been seen hundreds of times before, the ever-so-precious rhyme scheme sounds as if it has been pilfered from some new-age greeting card series.
Throw this away. A clean sheet of paper would serve it well.
Best,
Brad
Yeah i've never really thought about that but it true cause i'm a rebel and if that ever happens then that will true heh good poem like it.
like the style
Coolness! I like the concepts here, but try to keep up a consistant rhythm. Aside from that, very coolio.
It's a cool concept that you have here. One I often think about too, what with all these modern teenage "rebels" around now. There were some things that could be imrpoved though.
First, try to maintain a steady rhyme.
Second, be more detailed. You have vague descriptions for your ideas in the poem.
Cheers and celebrations galore,
And all are jolly like never before.
Such as here. It's okay as it is, but how can you make this better? How can you make it so the reader can picture what you are describing?
Overall, it's a good start, but it'd be a more impressing poem if there were specific details and descriptions. Thanks for posting. Good luck!